DIAPER FREE! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene

Introduction: SHARING A GIFT OF GENTLE WISDOM

As the August sun dips towards the trees, I sit on my back patio enjoying the warm air with a new friend. We met last week at the organic food co-op and connected immediately. She accepted my invitation to visit without hesitation. As we chat, I am drawn to her lucid pregnant beauty. Her firm round belly blossoms with child. She glows with open curiosity and anticipation, as we ponder the miracle of birth and new life. While we speak, my six-month-old son lounges contentedly in my arms. Mid-sentence, I am distracted by an intuitive inkling that summons my complete attention.

"Excuse me just a moment," I say to my friend. "This little guy needs to pee."

I consider going indoors but opt instead to remove myself several paces to an out-of-the-way bush. I cradle my baby in a squatting position, slip his shorts down, and say "pee-pee." Immediately, he relieves himself. I pull up his pants and return to continue my conversation.

"How did you know...? How did he…? That's amazing!" exclaims my friend.

"Yes, it is," I agree, "and at the same time, it's become as natural and ordinary to me as nursing him when he's hungry".

"I didn't know that was possible. Tell me more," she requests, drawing her chair closer. And so begins another journey into a deepening bond between mother and baby, as I share with her the wonderful rediscovery of Natural Infant Hygiene.

AMAZING YET ORDINARY

People are surprised to learn that my son stopped wearing diapers consistently when he was four months old. They sometimes assume this means he simply relieved himself wherever, whenever, while I cleaned up after him. They often find it hard to believe that he was aware of his need to eliminate and that we were able to communicate about it long before he spoke his first words. Even those who watched me respond to his signals, and he to mine, still occasionally shook their heads and exclaimed, "But that's not possible!"

Yet it is possible. I've experienced it. People of many cultures worldwide never use diapers, relying instead on this same natural communication between mother and child to keep their babies comfortable and their homes clean. Few people realize that this can be practiced within our own culture, reducing the need for diapers significantly, perhaps even totally.

In a search for a natural alternative to diapering, I discovered that babies are, from birth, aware of their elimination needs. Amazingly, they can and do signal these needs, and will respond to communication from their caregivers as well. Tuning into your baby's elimination needs is a synergistic and natural bonding process, much like breastfeeding.

A GROWING INTEREST

This book was born in response to the many people who asked me to write about my experiences. They wanted support and information that might help them practice what I call Natural Infant Hygiene. It became important to me to share what I had learned, so that every mother who might be open to this choice, would at least know it was available. As I began extending beyond my personal experience into the research realm, I discovered I was not alone. In small but steadily growing numbers, North American and European mothers are seeking a natural alternative to diapering.

Dozens of mothers, fathers, anthropologists, researchers, health practitioners, and grandparents in North America and abroad shared their experiences of diaper-free infant-care with me. The parents with whom I spoke come from all walks of life, and include homemakers, home business owners, teachers, students, artists, musicians, writers, farmers, La Leche League leaders, midwives, medical doctors, naturopaths, a psychiatrist, a chiropractor, a biologist, and others. They range in age from a teenage couple, to grandmothers using this practice with their grandchildren. Most parents have one, two, or three children; a few have between four and seven. Some live in rural areas, but most reside in cities, larger towns, or in the suburbs. Many live in nuclear or extended families, or shared housing. Some are single parents. One group with several diaper-free children lives in a small intentional community in Hawaii.

In most cases, the mother assumes the initial and primary responsibility for Natural Infant Hygiene. This book reflects the closeness of that relationship. However, many fathers, older siblings, and other involved adults also participate significantly as a vital part of the process. The mothers might be full-time homemakers, share childcare with a partner or other adult(s), take their babies with them to work outside the home, work part-time outside the home, or run a business form their home. I haven't come across any diaper-free babies who were in full-time daycare. This is a practice that implies a commitment of time and consistent presence that can really only be given when a parent spends the majority of her day with her child.

A REFERENCE IN THREE PARTS

To facilitate its use as an ongoing reference, this book is divided into three parts. Throughout the book, case studies, research, and cross-cultural references illuminate the text. Numerous photos illustrate each chapter. A resource section, bibliography, and index close the book.

I have chosen to present Natural Infant Hygiene as an integral part of an intimate relationship between parent and baby. In this context, I approach diaper-free infant-care as one piece of a larger hologram of compassionate and responsive nurturing, and not as yet another parenting technique.

Part I explores this foundation, and the basis and principles of Natural Infant Hygiene. You'll find an account of my personal discovery and experience, a chapter on the importance of responding promptly to babies' needs, a discussion of benefits, a look at the origins and misconceptions of contemporary toilet training beliefs, counter-research that shows babies are "ready" from birth, and an explanation of the physiology behind elimination.

You may be itching to begin the practice and jump ahead to Part II. Or you may have a specific concern and skip to Part III. Both are fine. But please take the time to come back and read Part I at some point. This section reveals that Natural Infant Hygiene can go far beyond just keeping a baby clean, dry, and happy with less diapers.

It offers an opportunity for compassion, trust, and respect that lays the groundwork for a lifelong intimate relationship with your child. You'll also find the basis here for answering inner doubts or outer challenges, and for making the paradigm shift that will support you in your practice. Even parents experienced with Natural Infant Hygiene will likely find something new.

Part II outlines the practical points of Natural Infant Hygiene: the "how to" aspect. You'll discover when and how to begin the practice and the best positions

to hold your baby in. You'll learn how to use the four practical "tools" to diaper freedom: baby's signals, timing rhythms and patterns, intuition, and parent's cues. This section offers lots of flexibility and options to individualize your family's approach, and includes examples from other cultures, as well as our own.

In Part II, you'll also find suggestions for daily living with a diaper-free baby such as naps and nighttime, outings, large families, the role of fathers and other caregivers, and how best to use diapers during the process. A comprehensive section deals with special situations and possible difficulties, including the concern about messes and lapses. I explore both concrete solutions to potential obstacles and positive ways to eliminate stress. The last chapter in Part II addresses cultivating a compassionate and gentle attitude that makes Natural Infant Hygiene enjoyable and easier, developing parental intuition, and creating internal and external support for yourself.

Part III appears in question and answer format. It contains responses to common questions and specific concerns I have been asked about Natural Infant Hygiene. The questions came primarily from face-to-face, email, and phone consultations with parents during the past three years. These parents include those who were just contemplating Natural Infant Hygiene, those in the beginning stages, and those who had practiced it for some time or with more than one child.

Part III is designed as a quick check reference section that can easily be consulted again and again, no matter what stage you are at. Questions are cross-referenced with relevant in-depth sections in Parts I and II. The index at the back of the book helps refine your search, and the resource section offers websites and books for further reading on this and related topics.

On a technical note, I have chosen to use Canadian English spellings, grammar, and style in the book. Gender references fluctuate between masculine and feminine pronouns. Perhaps for the first time in English literature, the verb "to pee" appears in a unique transitive form, as in "I pee the baby." This is, of course, quite different than the baby peeing on me!

A BIAS FOR GENTLENESS

No book is written from a wholly objective viewpoint. This one is no exception. Though backed by extensive research, I write from my personal experience with a bias that reflects my parenting philosophy. I believe babies are happiest when they spend their first months and years in close contact with their parents, particularly their mothers. I think babies usually thrive best when they are nurtured at their mother's breast. I assume that babies sleep most securely with loving parents in the family bed. I believe that children are simultaneously far more capable than we often give them credit for and far more dependent than we appreciate.

As a parent, I want to be my child's ally, and I want to cultivate compassion, creativity, and a willingness to take my child's needs seriously. I believe that a prompt response to a child's needs helps that child maintain and develop an innately secure interdependent nature. And I believe that Natural Infant Hygiene provides a wonderful part of that picture.

WHAT YOU BRING TO THIS BOOK

I have a dear friend whose graceful compassion as a mother has inspired me repeatedly through the years. Her wise words often strengthen me at times when I doubt my ability to reach as deeply into my heart as I wish to.

One day, long ago, I was questioning my capacity to welcome a second child into my life. How could I ever give another child as much energy as I had my first? Where would I find the love to carry me through? What should I do? My friend answered that there was nothing I had to do---nothing I even could do. I only had to be present to what already was. Every baby, she assured me, comes into this world with all the love that is needed.

Herein lie the gift and the challenge of becoming a parent. We don't have to "do" love, we just have to let go and find ourselves in it. That's how it is with becoming diaper-free too. Parenting in general, and Natural Infant Hygiene in particular, can sometimes seem big and overwhelming. We try so hard to get it right. But everything we need to know is already there inside, simply waiting for a quiet moment to be recognized.

I have worked to make this book as complete and comprehensive a volume on this subject as possible. Yet, in a sense, nothing that you need to practice Natural Infant Hygiene lies within its pages. It lies, instead, within you. To paraphrase the late French writer Marcel Proust:

"Each reader reads only what is inside herself. A book is only a sort of optical instrument, which the writer offers to let the reader discover in herself what she would not have found without the aid of a book."

I offer this book as such an instrument. I hope the ideas presented here will find a resonance in your innermost being. May this book be another lens through which you rediscover what you already know---how to listen deeply, trust fully, and respond lovingly to yourself and your baby.

Easy-to-print version of the Introduction.

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